Omegle Chronicles

Nice girl.

2011-10-25T23:11:00.000-07:00

Ending my return to Omegle on a surprisingly nice note.

To the point.

2011-10-25T22:08:00.001-07:00

I guess we'll never know.

2011-10-25T22:07:00.001-07:00

Gaga

2011-10-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

And we're back.

2011-10-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

More of this sort of thing.

2011-04-17T17:23:00.000-07:00

Dr. Internet explains breathing

2011-04-17T17:11:00.000-07:00

Even at the end, I'm having trouble deciding whether he was being obtuse, going along with my gag, or attempting to foil me by playing the worst game of "Yes, and..." ever.

Encore!

2011-03-17T00:12:00.000-07:00

A little freestyle madness always spices things up.

Salamander

2011-03-16T23:32:00.000-07:00

Inauspicious finale, this.

No love

2011-03-16T23:28:00.001-07:00

Same as it ever was indeed

2011-03-16T23:26:00.001-07:00

Back to it!

2011-03-16T23:24:00.000-07:00

Same as it ever was...

Man of Respect

2011-03-16T23:21:00.000-07:00

Holy shit, first one back and we hit it out of the park, I'm thinking.

This conversation lasted way way longer than either of us supposed. Note the Breakfast Club reference!

Sex Ed

2011-01-09T23:33:00.000-08:00

I lie all the time on this site, but it's not always to mess with people. In this case, the guy was a really good dude, but I lied about myself just because I wanted to see what the conversational dynamic would be like.

I'm fuckin'... weird, yo.

Because no night would be complete without one.

2011-01-09T23:03:00.001-08:00

Buy-Curious

2011-01-09T22:58:00.000-08:00

Arrested Development references, whenever possible, forever.

High demand

2011-01-09T22:54:00.000-08:00

Since they're so rare, I tend not to goof on girls, so you don't see them as much on this site. But I thought I'd post this as evidence that a) it happened, and b) I try not to act like a lech when a (ridiculously underage) girl comes on, although I can't help but comment on the constant stream of "u horny?" she must get.

I don't know what caused her to disconnect -- I think it was a mistake. As a sidenote, I played for the "Phillies" in tee-ball back in the early 90's, before this girl was born. They're one of my favourite National League teams.

Lastly, Hey, Philadelphia, where'd you go?

Donations welcome

2011-01-09T22:46:00.000-08:00

I'm just... the worst.

Finnish Him

2011-01-09T22:17:00.000-08:00

I almost didn't post this, because frankly, it represents a new low in one adolescent boy's desire to talk dirty to a prepubescent girl, and one 20-something guy's attempts to fuck with that poor kid.

I am the worst.

Which led to this...

Face Fucking

2011-01-09T21:59:00.000-08:00

Some days I worry that I am losing touch.

Rappin everybody

2010-11-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

I feel like this is going to inspire nightmares of Rob Base, DJ EX Rock, Kris Kross, Sir Mix-a-Lot, Kurtis Blow and half the Digital Underground forcefully doing the Humpty Hump on my loved ones.

Latveria

2010-11-12T20:00:00.000-08:00

I'm posting this as an indication of how dead it's been tonight.

Head full of empty

2010-11-12T19:48:00.000-08:00

Lately people have been in the business of making references I don't get.

Confusing

2010-11-12T19:35:00.000-08:00

If he hadn't disconnected, I would have said next: "STOP IT! STOP LAUGHING, YOU IDIOTS! ONE OF THESE DAYS YOU'RE GONNA DIE LAUGHING! JUST LIKE YOUR IDIOT HYENA COUSINS!!"

It was not meant to be, and we are poorer for it.

Unforgiven

2010-11-11T22:27:00.001-08:00

I don't blame them.

It's done

2010-11-11T22:26:00.001-08:00

Sometimes you just need to get down to business

Opposite sex person

2010-11-11T22:23:00.000-08:00

I was feeling somewhat philosophical tonight, so I went to Omegle to extinguish that.

I have a policy to never end a conversation. Baiting someone into doing so can be hard yet rewarding.

Donkey show.

2010-11-09T22:36:00.001-08:00

http://i56.tinypic.com/10rlab4.jpg

http://nicolepix.com/albums/Candids/2010/26-05-2010%20-%20Good%20Morning%20America/normal_010.jpg

What air is

2010-11-09T22:18:00.000-08:00

I don't usually admit obliviousness, but what the hell just happened here? I'm actually confused for once.

What is this I don't even.

Avril Lavigne is rolling in her grave

2010-11-09T22:14:00.000-08:00

If anyone's curious, there's a really great version of Knockin' on Heaven's Door on YouTube, but it's in Portuguese.

(And I hate to go into "Don't explain the joke" mode here, but as we all know Bob Dylan wrote the song for the film Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid.)

There's gotta be an easier way

2010-11-09T22:06:00.001-08:00

Before I forget

2010-11-09T13:27:00.000-08:00

The reason I posted a couple last night -- at a time in my life when I'm busy as fuck and distracted to all hell -- is because I got a couple of notices on the internet machine.

Phil Roland (Twitter @PhilRoland) posted a link with a little bit of praise on his Tumblr, which I accept gladly because I know he doesn't go around gladhanding people for shiggles. He writes about stuff and is alternatively funny, thought provoking, and very dark.

His post was re-tumblred, or whatever the fuck, by the person who does this tumblr, which is nice since a positive notice from someone you didn't already know is always preferable for some reason. So thanks, and now I've brought it full circle: you're reading me linking you about you reading and linking me.

I never want to be entertaining unless I know someone's looking.

Oh, and if I haven't already posted it, I'm on the Twitter, @scottowilliams. I occasionally wonder about why anyone would follow me, but if you want to, you can, I guess. Free country.

Your mom

2010-11-08T22:41:00.000-08:00

So we at least know it was NOT my dad... beyond that, it could be anyone.

Bra measurements ≠ Baking measurements

2010-11-08T22:32:00.000-08:00

Around this time, the conversation became more or less legit, although still heavily boob-centric. She seemed like a really nice girl, but technical difficulties ended our conversation prematurely.

Story of my life. Meet a nice girl with cartoonishly large breasts, find out she's half a world away (Australia), lose her never to meet again.

Sigh. Goodbye, Rebecca, goodbye Margueritte.

Sex Hitler

2010-11-08T21:30:00.001-08:00

Sex Hitler is a thing, guys.

Bemuse me

2010-11-08T21:27:00.001-08:00

I feel like being weird tonight.

This is not Armenia

2010-10-11T16:55:00.000-07:00

I felt like being a dick tonight.

Clearly I succeeded.

Lee: A Film by Quentin Tarantino

2010-10-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

I like Lee. I feel like I might be him (her?) again sometime.

A goat, see?

2010-10-08T20:47:00.000-07:00

Efficient conversing.

2010-10-08T20:46:00.001-07:00

I bet he was on the debate team or something.

Poop.

2010-10-08T20:44:00.001-07:00

Not specifically

2010-10-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

I don't even care if this one was brief, I just liked getting asked that question.

It's because I'm Canadian, right?

2010-10-08T20:15:00.000-07:00

Mystery solved.

Perhaps the reason for this site.

2010-10-08T20:04:00.000-07:00

I'm in the middle of re-writing my second play for the umpteenth time. It's been incredibly hard for me to get motivated to work on it. Lately, I've been so exhausted with school and work that when I get home I just want to veg out on the internet and not do anything productive. Hence, I find myself on sites like Omegle.

I can totally see where this person was coming from. But when I signed on to Omegle, tonight, I thought to myself, "Is it possible for me to dabble around on Omegle in one window while I work on the play in another?" I concluded pretty quickly, no: Omegle is what Marshall McLuhan would've called a "hot" medium (or alternative, "fucking inane") as the participant's attention is strictly directed at the screen. You have to pay attention to your conversational partner, or the whole thing goes downhill.

This guy was taking long pauses between statements, and leaving "Stranger is typing" messages up. and as I've said before, I don't like typing while other people are typing, it makes me uncomfortable and usually ruins the conversation's flow if the person is actually saying something. So I keep waiting for him to finish his thought, while he fiddles around with his little story instead of doing the honest thing and saying "so tell me about yourself" while changing the window over. He could've made me take charge of the conversation and not led me around. But that's only half of what bugs me.

As I have mentioned, I am a writer. I'm writing. I have a project I should be working on. Not a "school" project -- essentially a leisure one, albeit one with a specific goal. But I logged onto Omegle knowing it was going to demand my full attention. Multi-tasking is for chumps who don't know how to prioritize. And when I'm here, on a fucking friday night when I'm already super self-conscious about how pathetic my life is because I'm on Omegle, the last thing I need is for this stranger to make me sit here while he's in the midst of typing something that might not get said for five or ten minutes. God damn.

What an asshole.

Not that I blame him.

2010-10-08T19:40:00.000-07:00

Amoeba

2010-10-08T19:38:00.000-07:00

So it's been a while since I felt so disgruntled with life as to mess with the anonymous douches of the internet. So I decided to dive right back in.

Nessticles

2010-07-29T22:16:00.001-07:00

I thought it was a Jeopardy or a Karnak thing.

Dexys-induced out-rockage

2010-07-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

This was actually a rather nice conversation! How unusual.

Toothbrush

2010-07-29T20:40:00.000-07:00

Why doesn't anybody ever want to hear that one?

Unremarkable

2010-07-29T20:37:00.001-07:00

This entry is completely unremarkable except for the fact that there was a lengthy gap between the last two lines, which makes me wonder what I could've said to make him stay.

Sigh... we'll never know.

Beer is good

2010-07-29T20:34:00.000-07:00

And really, what more is there to say?

Back in the habit

2010-07-29T20:31:00.001-07:00

I haven't been on Omegle in months, and immediately we're back to an old standard. Note that they're now putting a fairly obvious disclaimer at the top, which I will be cropping as it makes the screen caps wide and ungainly. The only thing that's allowed to make the screen caps wide and ungainly is my verbose dialogue, damnit!

CINDY

2010-06-16T21:48:00.001-07:00

As per-- wait...

2010-06-16T21:45:00.000-07:00

As per usual

2010-06-16T20:26:00.001-07:00

China is lame

2010-06-16T20:24:00.001-07:00

Hernando, Oreos, and Vietnamese Hooker Castration

2010-05-17T21:25:00.000-07:00

Oddly Specific

2010-05-17T21:01:00.001-07:00

hnng ?

2010-05-17T20:48:00.000-07:00

what is this i don't even

Upbeat

2010-05-17T20:09:00.000-07:00

Nobody likes Dave.

2010-04-26T22:26:00.001-07:00

Especially Gabby.

Random Celebrity Encounter

2010-04-26T22:17:00.000-07:00

Man, I can't wait until I meet Ben Affleck on this thing so I can ask him how his baby's doing.

Fuck shit fuck

2010-04-26T22:05:00.001-07:00

We may never know why.

Why all the cussin'.

Understanding

2010-04-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

It just was

2010-04-26T21:54:00.001-07:00

Deep, man.

Doubledown

2010-04-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

The conversation then turned real (aka boring) for just a few moments before she left.

Too lazy

2010-04-13T22:43:00.001-07:00

Stanley Cup

2010-04-13T22:26:00.001-07:00

Happy to talk to a 14-year-old girl... but only if it's about sports.

Rock music

2010-04-13T21:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, there is a bit of a pause between the last line and the disconnect, which doesn't come across on the conversation.

That was not the case here. Here, it was straight up "yay - disconnect."

Dubble-Yews

2010-04-10T22:15:00.001-07:00

Of note: This conversation did continue, but this is the bit I had fun with.

Blip blorp

2010-04-10T22:08:00.000-07:00

Snappy answers to stupid questions this ain't.

Tripping balls

2010-04-08T22:56:00.001-07:00

My hope is that those last two thoughts were unrelated.

At the parade

2010-04-08T22:51:00.001-07:00

Revenues

2010-04-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

This got old after a while.

A long night of disappointment waits.

2010-04-08T22:07:00.001-07:00

This is not the ideal way to go about... anything.

Thanks for asking.

2010-04-08T22:04:00.000-07:00

Damn, and I was ready for a serious heart-to-heart.

You be the judge.

I don't know any jokes

2010-04-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

Not this again

2010-04-08T21:27:00.001-07:00

Short and sweet

2010-04-05T22:43:00.001-07:00

A special moment

2010-04-05T22:32:00.001-07:00

Close

2010-04-05T22:06:00.000-07:00

I hope somehow he find that special someone... but I've always been a romantic.

Uncle Larry

2010-04-05T22:05:00.001-07:00

I remember you!

2010-04-05T22:03:00.001-07:00

It takes all sizes

2010-04-05T21:52:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to make her feel appreciated.

I just can't win.

2010-04-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

I'd like to add one that I was unable to screencap, so you'll have to take my memory for it:

Stranger: If my penis were named ronald mcdonald I'd hamburgle your onion ring until ketchup came out.

Which doesn't even make sense because McDonald's doesn't even have onion rings.

And who puts ketchup on those??

Sheesh.

You can't blame me for asking.

2010-04-05T21:37:00.000-07:00

What can I say? I'm only human.

Tea saga.

2010-03-30T21:55:00.000-07:00

Sad fact: This is more or less the most interesting thing that happened to me today.

This happens

2010-03-28T22:08:00.000-07:00

I tire of posting these...

2010-03-28T21:21:00.001-07:00

Yet they keep happening.

Unexpected

2010-03-28T21:09:00.001-07:00

I don't pull this trick too often, shown by the fact that I rarely post ones that look like this, but I find this a really unexpected response. There could be any number of reasons, of course, but the chat speaks for itself.

Like I've never heard this one before.

2010-03-28T20:52:00.000-07:00

Seacaucus

2010-03-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

An incomplete list of inherently funny place names: Seacaucus NJ, Bethesda MD, Tallahassee FL, Des Moines IA, Boise ID, Missoula MT, Gurbledouche NM.

Kayla

2010-03-28T20:32:00.000-07:00

I should note that tonight's theme is oddly-endearing pet names in my opening line.

Now I really want to know who Kayla is. Kayla if you're out there, someone's looking for you.

It's awesome!

2010-03-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

I have absolutely no explanation for my behaviour in this conversation. But I'm apparently very enthusiastic about maleness!

Return of the Horny Grandma

2010-03-26T22:37:00.001-07:00

It happens.

Steve

2010-03-26T22:06:00.000-07:00

For those curious, the Altavista translation of those phrases are "When you see when both eyes which I attract you should know that I am not a casual man"

and:

"God created the man to think that he too lonely created the woman to think they lonely create ML to have baby not to be lonely"

Interpret as you will.

(...I don't think I like Steve. Yet I seem to enjoy being him...)

Big Bottom

2010-03-26T21:41:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to feel about this one. Either proud or ashamed. More or less the same thing on this site, sometimes.

Sex Robots.

2010-03-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

Good advice in general.

Sex is one of those tasks that is best left to human beings.

Very close

2010-03-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

I try not to post too many like this, but being honest, it's why we're all here.

Howdy

2010-03-25T20:38:00.001-07:00

Observant local subway riders will know I am like this in real life.